Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
