The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize