i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
