I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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