i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
