every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
