I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
