it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
