I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
