my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize