...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
