I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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