I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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