Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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