sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
