Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
