I got chris browned last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
