Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
