if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
