All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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