so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
