Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
