My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize