Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I deserve this hangover.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
