it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was like eating out sand paper
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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