Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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