I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
