Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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