it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Randomize
