im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
