Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
True strength comes from lack of pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
