Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
