when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
