My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
its liver damage thursday
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize