I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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