Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
