The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
