How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize