I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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