seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize