i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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