there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
