Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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