are you still at the devil's house?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
