I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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