Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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