I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
