I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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