I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
