Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
