i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
