I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
