we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
