I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize