like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
