They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
