What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
