Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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