That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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