i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
