He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
