Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
