I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
