I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize