if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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