im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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