life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I supernannyed him into submission
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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