There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
