If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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