Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
