These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize