maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
